Glass half empty?

I was thinking about my blog and how it seems like so many of my running posts are not positive but focused too much on my woes. I feel guilty if I complain about things in my blog but I complain anyway. I like to think I am just documenting my running trials and tribulations but it seems like my focus is on the half empty side and never the half full view. When I have success, I look at it and get self absorbed with everything that went wrong.

For example:

McNaughton - I strained a calf muscle mid way through the race, struggled with fueling, swelling and ultimately took 15 hours to finish and I am still feeling guilty for such a poor time. Yes I finished but I struggled after the strain and I kept beating myself up for not running through the pain. By walking a lot over the 25 miles after the injury, I did set up my year for success and I had some at Lincoln and Fargo but then..........

FANS - I got pulled from the race after 10 hours, I did not meet my goal of 50 miles, yes, I was on pace for 51 or 52 miles but do I take all the things I did right that day like my fueling, my pacing, my attitude or do I focus on the failure? I think you know the answer. My next race was.........

Afton 50k - I knew going in that my back was still too sore, tried to run anyway, had pain after 2 miles and I dropped at 25k. Still feeling bad about it. I should have pushed through it.

So now I as the time for Superior is closing in, I am sitting thinking how will I ever do 50 miles there? My only goal is to finish and I am not the least bit concerned about time. I have never run on the trail so a finish is all I want, oh yeah that and not getting lost.

Why do I have doubts, well since I failed at my last two events that doesn't help much and although I have recovered from the back issue I have developed a foot issue that is bugging me and I am sure I will feel it at Superior. It feels like a flair up of an injury I suffered 10 years back where I strained a ligament in the foot. I had stepped in a hole and overflexed the foot, when I eventually made it to a Dr, she said that I had a grade II (moderate) strain of the ligament that attaches to the first metatarsal (big toe) and she thought that with rest I would be ok, if not surgery might be needed. With that threat, I had to take 6 weeks off but I did not end up needing surgery which was good. This injury is not that bad by far but it is tender and it does bug me, I am blaming my shoes or the insoles my Dr. recommended so I am working to find a pair that doesn't aggravate it. Then you add what seems like a lot of mediocre runs recently, coupled with way too many hours at work and I am sitting in a basic self pity mode thinking thoughts like:

What if I fail? What if I don't start? Should I try to drop down to the marathon? What will my co-workers think? What will Wayne and Karen say when I drop? What will they say if I don't start? Why do I do this to myself? Why didn't I train more? Why didn't I lose more weight? What will my family think? Why am I such a failure? What will I..........

You can see the trend but it just occurred to me what if I succeed?